I'm sending my daughter off to Wisconsin for a while. Our good friends are going to be in loco parentis for about a month. They've already raised a girl-child through to adulthood, and she turned out to be a rugby-player, so you know they're going to be OK. But just in case they've forgotten, or (more likely) our model has a few quirks their model didn't, I have a few reminders.
1. Em communicates in a somewhat different language. To practice understanding her, take a typical Hawaiian word like Keinohoomanawanui, and say it over and over again as fast as you can. Amphetamines might help -- think "chipmunks." Anyway, when you can sing the entire Hawaiian national anthem in about 20 seconds, you'll have the basic idea. Skip over any vowels or consonants that slow you down -- most of them are not important. A schwa can replace any vowel, and a glottal stop works fine for most consonants. Oh, and do your best to start the sentence upstairs, and finish it downstairs -- or better yet, outside. Texting at the same time is optional, but can earn you valuable extra points, redeemable for lip gloss!
2. Em believes there is only one 8 o'clock each day, and it is NOT of the "AM" variety. She knows, technically, that the sun must come up each morning, but it has been years since she has actually seen it. She may take a swipe at you early in the morning if you get too close. Try tempting her our of hibertation with oatmeal. It sometimes works.
3. Em has been busy evolving some extra organs in her inner ear with small magnetic particles that will enable her to pick up text messages and log onto Facebook without cumbersome electronic equipment. Until she has fully evolved, she may still need computer and cell phone access. Like, 24/7.
4. For reasons that are not exactly clear, Em and her friends like to engage in flour fights and whipped cream fights. Keep a hose handy in the back yard, and buy a little extra laundry soap. She is likely to appear at your door white and sticky.
5. The good news is, she eats almost anything as long as it's "good" and not "gross." So following that simple rule will avoid any difficulties.
Well, that's about it. She's really a delightful child, and we will miss her. While she's gone, her little sister will have to fill in for her. Just the other day, we had to tell her to get off the computer and speak slowly. She should do fine.
And to D & S: Thanks for being Em's Loco Parents, and Good Luck. You have our number.
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3 comments:
Hello Unc! Being unemployed and very bored waiting for Jake to come home from work, I found your blog through Elise's! Does that count as stalking...? Your last post is golden, hahaha. I wonder if the speech thing is not only an Emily thing but a Williams thing? I tend to do the same hmmm... :)
Know any people in Madison I could send some of my kids to?
We just finished a long weekend of sea kayaking with Em and she did fabulously. No computer, no text messages, no nothin'. She READ her BOOK, took a lot of walks, picked rocks with Ian along the beach, and slept in (you're right about the 8:00 AM thing). She ate stuff that was good and not gross.
My favorite quote was from one of our vendors who lent Em a nice paddle jacket for the weekend:
"The only way she could be any cuter was if she had a French accent."
She was definitely part of the family and was accepted as such.
Respectfully submitted, the Loco Parents.
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