Saturday, November 1, 2008

An Attack of Modern Medicine

Tomorrow I begin preparations for a medical procedure. I am having this procedure on Monday morning, but preparations begin tomorrow. I am having this procedure for two reasons. The first is, my wife's friend's husband had some health problems, and so I had to go get a physical. (You married men will understand this.) The second is, when you get a physical and you are past the age of 50, your punishment is to go get this procedure. Even if your doctor himself admits, in front of your wife, that he has sort of been putting it off himself -- that's how much fun it is, this procedure -- you still have to go get it because apparently That's The Rules.

So anyway, preparations begin with nothing but clear liquids tomorrow, and then a couple of pills about noon, then drinking a lot of something that as near as I can tell turns into Scrubbing Bubbles. And from what I'm told, it tastes like it, too.

Friends and relations who have had this procedure already assure me that the day of preparation for it is by far the worst part. Considering the procedure itself bares a striking resemblance to what happens when people are abducted by aliens (probes, sharp things, etc.), that is really saying something. You can imagine what a comfort that has been to me.

So no matter how bad your Sunday is, you will still be having a better day than me. And a better morning Monday, too, although it may take hypnosis for me to really remember that part.


From Utah Valley Digestive Health Center, or Area 51?
You decide!

4 comments:

canoelover said...

Been there, done that. It's not so bad, just wear ruby slippers and keep repeating "There's no place like home." They do show you a cool video of "Siggy, the Sigmoidoscope," a cartoon character that explains all about the evil Dr. Polyp.

Matt said...

Yes indeed... a medical necessity for baby-boomer physicals... I just recently found your blog, so through the procedure tomorrow you can rest easy, with the pleasant thoughts that your blog is entertaining your caribbean readers...

splinger moosebutt said...

Yeah, when it was all over, I had the amazing, irrational thought that it wasn't so bad. But it really sucked until then. Oh, and though life sucks for you right now, I'm glad that it's just a rule thing that's putting you through this and not because you have symptoms that require it.

mommymuse said...

Sheesh, some people are so whiny and unappreciative when other people try to keep them alive a little bit longer. Admittedly, just thinking of those scrubbing bubbles--and what you were experiencing at home--kept a smile on my face all through church yesterday.